The Cynical Chymists Companion

Een bloemlezing geven van een artikel dat ik jaren geleden eens gekopieerd en vervolgens bewaard heb. De bloemlezing is gebaseerd op een artikel getiteld –  The Cynical Chymists Companion – uit de column – The Industrial Chymist – gepubliceerd Februari 1990 in het tijdschrift – ChemTech – (p. 65).

  • A catalyst is a solid whose outside provides endless hours of fun for surface scientists
  • A unit operation is a mathematical equation that explains what would happen if the universe wasn’t real
  • A drug is a chemical you feed to rats in order to make publications
  • A polymer is an aggregation of molecular of molecular fragments so large that it cannot be conveniently extracted from the vessel in which it was made
  • A unit process is a chemical reaction whose behavior has been shown to be common to all members of its class except the one immediately at hand
  • A semipermeable membrane  is a film that becomes less and less semipermable with use
  • A computer is an electronic marvel whose purpose is tp provide an excuse to peer endlessly a a cathode ray tube instead of doing anything
  • A patent is a document that is used to propel the children of attorneys through law school
  • A model is a conceptual construct of ideality that is used to make reality seem reasonable
  • A chemical process plant is an engine to produce effluents, a minor fraction of which are  saleable
  • A reaction is a group of chemicals struggling to get to the wrong equilibrium
  • Physical chemistry is either a religion or a disease
  • A program is an algorithm that provides wrong answers to nine significant figures
  • Lab techs are modern reincarnations’ of those giants on whose shoulders Newton claims to have stood
  • A ground wire is an instrument of death and destruction
  • The analytical lab is where you send chemicals you want to disappear
  • A lab mate in an alternate foil for a spouse
  • A pilot plant is a burial ground for Ph.D.’s
  • A chemical operator is an unschooled person who can make things work only is the absence of management by schooled persons
  • A lab notebook is an absorbent for coffee and other noxious chemicals
  • A library is a place to go after you’ve tried everything else
  • A customer is someone who thinks he has some kind of special privilege to interrupt your work

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